PLEASE NOTE: This challenge has already been completed on our Facebook page. We’re using this post to test out the commenting and voting system.
THE CHALLENGE
He looked at her with oozing ruggedness.
“Hey, hon. You know what sells the most books on Amazon?”
“Tell me!” she husked.
“Romances,” he breathlessly expounded.Make up a short extract from a particularly horrible romance novel. It can be a single line or several paragraphs. What counts is not the quantity but the (low) quality.
The challenge was: “Make up a short extract from a particularly horrible romance novel. It can be a single line or several paragraphs. What counts is not the quantity but the (low) quality.”
We had only a few entries to this contest, but the standard was high. Readers were moved and electrified by this entry from Sam Hancock.
Jack watched Jill's heaving bounty… "If I told you how much I loved your body, would you hold it against me? Your body, that is?" Jill gasped, slapped him hard. Jack turned, starting to slouch away, defeated. Panting, Jill spun Jack around and planted a sloppy kiss on his lips. "Men…" said Jill.
Christine Pillman’s entry went above and beyond in its authenticity, and in its length – Keep writing, Christine! Why, the novel is half done, and the steaming words leave us lusting for more!
“Rhett, your tough cowboy exterior doesn’t fool me…” Vanessa Larue said playfully, peering deeply into his dark brown eyes, allowing him a rare glimpse of her tender soul. “Rhett, your tough cowboy exterior doesn’t fool me…” Vanessa Larue said playfully, peering deeply into his dark brown eyes, allowing him a rare glimpse of her tender soul. “Vanessa, it’s not just this cowboy’s exterior that’s tough,” he said cryptically, his dark eyes narrowing. Vanessa looked at Rhett, confused. “It’s my interior, too!” he explained, looking off into the distance, a sad twinkle in his eye. Vanessa lunged toward Rhett with abandon and grabbed him by the lapels of his worn denim jacket. “Rhett, I know you love me! The way you looked into my eyes last night when you found me cornered by that gang of thugs holding sharp knives … and the tender way you held me after you beat them up, one by one … I was so vulnerable,” she gasped. “You were all man.” “Stop, Vanessa! Don’t …” Rhett walked over to the fireplace with manly resolve, picked up a heavy ornamental poker with a snake head, and started to move around the logs. Vanessa watched him, mesmerized by his sheer manliness. She caught her breath as she looked down at the embers in the fire: was she crazy, or had Rhett Bigglesworth formed a heart out of hot embers. She knew she was crazy; she was crazy in love! “Rhett …” she gasped, rushing to his side. “The heart … it’s as though a band of angels made this!” A single tear formed in the corner of her eye, which proceeded to slide down her cheek like a beautiful creek running through an enchanted forest. Rhett turned to Vanessa and put his hand on her soft cheek. She gasped. “Embers keep on burning slowly … until they die. I did once love you, Sweet Vanessa. I loved you more than all the stars in the sky. No — the galaxy! But galaxies are infinite, and my heart isn’t.” He gave her a somewhat serious look, then leaned over, brushed his soft lips across her forehead, and turned away. “Rhett … NO!” Vanessa screamed, tears falling from her eyes like snow melting on a warm spring day. “Our love will never die!” Rhett turned toward Vanessa just before opening the door to exit his father’s ranch house for the last time. “Vanessa, our love was never alive.” He turned and exited. Just like that. Like a love ghost, vanished. Vanessa walked to the window and wept audibly, as she watched him mount his large horse and ride off into the horizon. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Rhett!” she cried, the light in her heart fading at the same time that the last ember lost its light.
But the entry that earned the most votes was this one, from Natalie JH:
“Dahlink, I want to caress your supple body with my large manly hands” He stood on the beach, bathed in moonlight. His wispy chest hairs moving ever so slightly in the warm tropical breeze. I resisted the urge to run my fingers through them. I watched him lick his lips to moisten and prepare them to meet my eager pout. “Julio… I mustn't. My husband…” I tried to resist as he pressed his ripply, muscly body against my tiny, middle aged frame. “Julio… no…” But as my lips said “no,” my body said “si”…